I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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