the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize