whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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