it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
