I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
