Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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