2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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