I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Oh god it's open bar.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
