youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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