yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
