Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
