new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
