Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
