u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
