Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
