Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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