I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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