i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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