that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
