I skipped work to stalk him.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
