hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
