Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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