i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
are you so shy because you have an std?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
