I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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