our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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