Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
