my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
