I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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