Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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