Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
