We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You're a waste of cheezeits
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
