im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
