yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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