hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
