but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
