Your mouth is God's brothel.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize