I have demons in me.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
