I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
pop tarts are not kleenex
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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