Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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