Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
