Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
