just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Ketchup is God's man juice
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
