My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she told me i tasted like america
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
