I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
