I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
