Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
