I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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