My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
