I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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