im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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