I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
