she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
