I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
