As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
