I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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