so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
