my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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