You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
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If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
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I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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