So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Randomize
