I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
