I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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