Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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