Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
