EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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