Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
