I heard we made out
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
