you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
