You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
