a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
