chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
