I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
