apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
mondays should just be called national damage control day
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
