Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
