my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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